By Annalie Buscarino
Any uninformed student would elect to walk the plank after stumbling upon Centereach High School’s grisly murders of this past Friday. What would be sparsely crowded hallways on any other average day of school were drowning in pirate’s booty and mischief, with Blackbeard’s body strewn across the East Suite and the body of forensics teacher Mr. Brennan slumped under the stairwell. Between the pressure to take on Brennan’s investigative responsibility and in retribution for the murder of their favorite forensics teachers, the forensics students of Centereach High School set out to solve the mystery of the Pirate’s Peril. The day started in the planetarium (“police headquarters”) where investigators grabbed breakfast before dividing into specialized groups to best approach their daunting task. Mikey Lenczewski, lead detective, organized his officers to interview all 50+ suspects, each of which was milling about the school embellished in unique pirate’s garb and toting even more pronounced personalities. Chaos commenced as investigators labored over crime scenes, attempted to tame the evidence pouring into the lab, and fought of antagonizing pirates. Come fifth period, however, Mr. Brennan’s crime-fighting students were no closer to solving the mystery than Blackbeard was to savoring his treasure. However, his corpse did provide all of the necessary information, and upon solving and interpreting a riddled rubix cube and connecting the DNA of respective parrot feathers, the scientists identified Sir Calico Jack as the likely suspect for the murder of Blackbeard, who, with a cliché twist of fate, was his father. Galvanized with the thrill of an arrest and a confession, the detectives eagerly sought out the remaining perpetrator. The lab worked double time as detectives lined the halls waving packets of DNA, hair, fiber, and pictures of shoe prints from each of the remaining suspects. After tedious analysis, the scientists could finally match all of the evidence to one Ms. Lo Hon Cho, a surprisingly cooperative suspect and incidentally Calico Jack’s mother, bent on protecting her son from Mr. Brennan’s deductive skills. However, she did not anticipate how well he had instructed his students in his extensive knowledge of forensics, and was consequently sent to the stocks along with her murderous counterpart. At the closing bell of eighth period the case was solved, a record time in the history of Centereach’s double homicides. It seems, with the successes of the forensic students, that Centereach will be able to rest easy for another year, before Forensics Day comes again next spring. Until then, all can be assured that Mr. Brennan’s legacy of students will effectively protect the school from any sort of mischief… especially that of pirates.
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